Mom, I Really Didn't Mean To — An ADHD Parenting Journey

The parent-teacher conference last September was the most difficult afternoon of my life.

The homeroom teacher said in front of all the parents: "Some children just don't pay attention in class and don't do their homework properly. Parents need to be more involved." Although she didn't name names, her eyes kept looking at me.

I knew she was talking about Xiao Yu.

On the way home, Xiao Yu suddenly said: "Mom, I really didn't mean to." At that moment, I couldn't hold back my tears anymore.

From "Naughty" to "Problem Child"

Xiao Yu is 8 years old this year and in second grade. Since kindergarten, teachers have described him as "smart but can't sit still."

In first grade, I could still comfort myself with "all boys are like this." But by second grade, the problems were getting worse:

After 20 minutes in class, he would start playing with his eraser, cutting it into tiny pieces. Homework always took forever — problems he knew how to do would take two hours. He often missed questions on tests, either forgetting to turn the page or misreading the question.

What broke my heart most was that Xiao Yu didn't not want to do well. Every time he was criticized, he would cry and say: "Mom, I promise I'll focus next time." But next time, it was the same thing.

One night, I stayed up with him doing homework until 11 PM. He got a simple math problem wrong 5 times. I finally lost control and yelled at him. He cried and said: "Mom, I think my brain is broken. It doesn't listen to me."

That night, I held him and cried for a long time.

Meeting the Right Person

A friend recommended I see Dr. Zhang, a child psychologist. At our first meeting, Dr. Zhang didn't rush to conclusions. Instead, she chatted with Xiao Yu for a long time.

She asked Xiao Yu: "Where do you think your attention goes during class?"

Xiao Yu thought for a moment and said: "It's like they grow wings and fly away. I want to catch them, but I can't."

Dr. Zhang smiled: "Let's play a game and see if we can help you catch them."

That was the first time Xiao Yu took the Stroop test.

The Test That Changed Everything

The test was simple. The screen would show words in different colors, and Xiao Yu needed to name the color of the text. For example, the word "red" written in blue — he needed to say "blue."

At first, Xiao Yu thought it was fun. But soon, he started making mistakes. The more he tried to get it right, the more mistakes he made. Halfway through the test, he was so frustrated he almost cried.

The results came in: reaction time 2.3 seconds (average for his age is 1.2 seconds), error rate 31% (should be below 10%).

Dr. Zhang gently explained to me: "This isn't an intelligence issue or an attitude problem. Xiao Yu's brain really does have more difficulty processing conflicting information than other children. It's like a child with myopia can't see the blackboard clearly — it's not that they don't want to see, they really can't see clearly."

It turned out Xiao Yu might have ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder).

Understanding Is the Beginning of Change

On the day of the ADHD diagnosis, I actually felt relieved. Finally knowing what the problem was meant we could figure out how to solve it.

Dr. Zhang gave me an analogy I still remember: "Imagine you're watching a great movie, but every 30 seconds, the screen automatically switches to another channel. You desperately want to finish the movie, but you can't control the remote. That's what an ADHD child feels like every day."

From that day on, I stopped telling Xiao Yu to "concentrate" and started understanding his difficulties.

When he got distracted doing homework, I would say: "Did your attention fly away again? That's okay, let's catch it back." When he missed questions on tests, I would say: "Next time let's use a ruler to read each line carefully, okay?" When he couldn't sit still in class, I would talk to the teacher about letting him help hand out workbooks, giving him a chance to stand up and move.

Xiao Yu's changes happened gradually. One day, he excitedly ran to tell me: "Mom, I listened through the entire math class today!" Seeing his proud little face, my eyes welled up again.

Our Training Routine

Dr. Zhang developed a home training plan. It wasn't strict treatment, more like games.

Morning Ritual

Every morning, the first thing Xiao Yu does after waking up is 5 minutes of "color game" (actually a simplified version of the Stroop test). I write words on cards with colored pens, and he names the colors.

At first he resisted: "This boring game again." So I changed strategies and made it a competition: "Mom's going to challenge you today — let's see who's faster!" I deliberately lost to him, and he was so happy.

Gradually, it became our bonding time. Sometimes his little sister joins in, and the whole family shouts out colors at cards. The neighbors probably think we're crazy.

Homework Strategy

Homework is the biggest challenge. We break homework time into chunks:

15 minutes of Chinese → 5-minute break (do 3 Stroop problems) → 15 minutes of math → 5-minute break

During breaks, no phone — instead, small activities: 20 jump ropes, or helping mom prepare vegetables. Getting the body moving helps the brain refocus.

I also discovered a secret weapon: a timer. Xiao Yu loves racing against time. "Let's finish this problem in 5 minutes, ready? Go!" He focuses intensely, afraid to lose to the clock.

Classroom Tools

After talking with his teacher, we figured out some ways to help Xiao Yu stay focused in class:

Stress ball: He can squeeze it in his hand during class. Giving his hands stimulation actually helps him concentrate. Cushion: Using a balance cushion with small bumps provides sensory stimulation. Task card: At the start of each class, the teacher gives him a small card listing 3 tasks to complete during the lesson.

The homeroom teacher was skeptical at first, but after a month she told me: "Xiao Yu has improved a lot. He can listen attentively for 20 minutes now."

It's Not Just "Hyperactivity"

Many people misunderstand ADHD, thinking it's just kids being too naughty. But the more time I spend with Xiao Yu, the more I understand his struggles.

Once at the supermarket, Xiao Yu suddenly froze in the toy section. It wasn't that he wanted toys — too many stimuli — music, lights, voices — overloaded his brain. He covered his ears and said: "Mom, it's too loud, my brain is going to explode."

Another time, the school organized a movie outing. Other kids were happy, but Xiao Yu was restless in the theater. Later he told me: "The movie was too long. I ran out of attention."

It turns out that for ADHD children, attention really is like a battery — it can run out.

Finding His Strengths

ADHD isn't all bad. Dr. Zhang says many ADHD children have special talents.

Xiao Yu's gift is creativity. His imagination is boundless, and he often says surprising things. The art teacher says Xiao Yu's drawings are "full of spirit with very unique ideas."

I started cultivating his strengths. I enrolled him in an art class — not the rigid copying kind, but creative art. There, his "distraction" became "inspiration," and his "can't sit still" became "full of energy."

Last month, his painting "The Flying Classroom" won second prize in the district. At the award ceremony, he whispered to me: "Mom, I can be great too."

Words for Other Parents

If your child has similar issues, I want to say:

Observe First, Don't Rush to Conclusions

Record your child's behavior patterns. When is their attention worst? What can make them focus? This information is important for diagnosis.

I kept notes on my phone for 3 months and found that Xiao Yu's attention was worst between 2-3 PM in the afternoon, but if it was something he was interested in (like building Lego), he could focus for an hour. This showed he wasn't completely unable to focus — just selectively focused.

Seek Professional Help

Don't be afraid to see a doctor. Early intervention is really important. We delayed for 2 years. If we'd caught it earlier, Xiao Yu might not have had to experience so many setbacks.

When choosing a doctor, find someone who truly understands ADHD. Some doctors will say "they'll grow out of it" or "just discipline them more" — change doctors immediately.

Adjust Expectations

Accepting your child's differences isn't lowering standards — it's finding standards that suit them.

Xiao Yu may never be able to sit quietly for 45 minutes, but he can complete tasks in three 15-minute sessions. He may never score 100%, but going from 60 to 80 is also a victory. He may not become an honor student, but he could become a great designer or inventor.

Take Care of Yourself

Raising an ADHD child is exhausting, truly exhausting. For a while, I was on the verge of breaking down every day.

Later I joined an ADHD parents' group and found everyone had similar experiences. We share advice and vent to each other. Knowing I'm not fighting alone feels so much better.

Remember to give yourself breathing room. Once a week, I have an afternoon where I leave Xiao Yu with his dad and go get my nails done or have coffee. This isn't selfish — it's so I can better accompany my child.

Xiao Yu Now

It's been 8 months since the first Stroop test.

Last week, we did the test again. Reaction time dropped to 1.6 seconds, error rate 15%. Still a bit slower than peers, but huge progress.

More importantly, Xiao Yu has become confident. He no longer says "my brain is broken," but says "my brain is special."

On the final exam, he scored 85 in math and 78 in Chinese. The homeroom teacher specifically called me to school. I thought I was going to get criticized again. But she said: "Xiao Yu has improved tremendously this semester. He can listen attentively in class and turn in homework on time. Most importantly, he smiles more."

On the way home, Xiao Yu held my hand and said: "Mom, thank you for not giving up on me."

I knelt down and hugged him: "Silly child, Mom will never give up on you. You know what? You taught Mom what real love is — not demanding you become what others expect, but helping you become the best version of yourself."

Final Thoughts

A few days ago, a newly joined mom in the group broke down crying: "Why my child?"

I remember asking the same question a year ago. Now I want to say: maybe precisely because they're our children, heaven believes we have the ability to give them the love and support they need.

ADHD isn't a curse, just another way the brain works. Like being left-handed in a world designed for right-handers — there are inconveniences, but that doesn't mean they have problems.

If you're also going through this challenge, remember: your child isn't bad, and you haven't failed. You just need to find your own rhythm.

As Xiao Yu says: "Mom, my attention may love to fly away, but the places it flies to are all interesting."

Yes — who says you have to walk in a straight line? Taking some detours might let you see more beautiful scenery.

For parents who need to assess their child's attention, you can try this online test first for an initial reference. But remember, no matter the result, your child is a unique treasure.